...let me tell you mine. I've known in some way all of my life, that I am turned on by pain. It probably helped the cause that through my relationships with men I have been conditioned to enjoy pain as well. All the same, I enjoy the pain.
My very first kiss was with a boy named Brandon. He had braces, and they cut my lips. Brandon was a snotty brat of a man. Arrogant and sophisticated, with a taste for vampires and nine inch nails at the age of 14, probably stemming from a cooler older brother that I never had the opportunity to meet.
My first sexual relationship was with a man 5 years older who had the opportunity to rape and kill me without anyone finding out. Thankfully only my skin shows the remnants of that story, in a few cuts on my collar bone. I didn't die, and while I might be more emotionally scarred I would be lying to say I don't still fantasize about those encounters.
Older men, bigger men, married men and more have all fallen into my list of sexual exploits. Sometimes I look back on where I've been and think "whore". Too bad my daddy wasn't around to teach me what type of man I should have gone after, not that he would have known in the slightest, the cheating drug addicted bastard.
But I wouldn't say all of my relationships have been unhealthy, that would be a lie, even if I do have a nasty habit of trying to sabotage my healthy relationships from the inside out.
It shall have to suffice to say that I am a work in progress and this is a place I have established to help me work on myself, my emotions and my journey into BDSM
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