"It is my command that you will not touch yourself."

The french philosopher Michel Foucault, once said that in Victorian society, the repression of sexuality was just another way of bringing sexuality to the forefront of our consciousnesses. I am in complete agreement with this. Nothing is harder than not thinking about sex when someone tells you that the one thing you cannot think about, is sex. Oh, to have lived in Victorian society.

It really is an advanced erotic seduction technique..

Which is one of the reasons that "stop orders" from a Top can be incredibly hard to follow. Once something is made off limits to the mind, for some reason it is all the mind wants to think about. "You will not touch yourself for the next x-amount of hours" suddenly becomes "you will think about nothing but touching yourself for the next x-amount of hours". It makes the bottom's job that much harder.

On one hand you have your own pleasure to consider, do you take your desires into your own hands and damn the consequences? On the other hand you have the admiration and love from your Top to think about, is it worth it to anger the one who commanded you for one minute of release?

The struggle between decisions can seem unbearable, but I think in the end most bottom's would tell you that they got through by resigning themselves to the fact that their Top's happiness is much more important than their own pleasure. It isn't fear of punishment, but a desire for acceptance and pride that propels the submissive forward.

At least I think that is what the normal and healthy course of emotion should be..

The six commandments of SM

I'm in the middle of reading a very amazing "how to" guide about SM and I came across these six rules that one should always follow. I thought I would share them here, as well as link the book.

From "Consensual Sadomasochism, how to talk about it and how to do it safely."
By: Bill Henkin and Sybil Holiday.


1. Tell the truth, first to yourself and then to the people with whom you play, at least as far as you know it at the time.

2. Keep your agreements with the people with whom you play, to the best of your ability, and if you cannot keep them for any reason, don't change your agreements unilaterally: negotiate with the other parties to those agreements, let them know alterations are in the works, and let them participate in the changes.

3. Play Safely: SM is a sophisticated form of sexuality, and sometimes it does entail physical and psychological risks; learn enough to know what you and your play partners are doing, to know the difference between what is safe and what is not, and to know what to do if something gets out of hand.

4. Play consensually: don't involve people with your sexuality who have not agreed to become involved; play only with people who have agreed to play with you.

5. Play sanely; physically, psychologically, emotionally, and spiritually, SM can be very intense, like any intense activity it has the short-term potential to draw people farther into it than they might on other occasions regard as wise; learn your limits, learn the limits your partners what to adhere to, and play within the limits you and your partners have agreed upon.

6. Play non-exploitively: not everybody is ready, willing, or able to be involved in SM, but not everyone who is unready, unwilling or unable knows it; honor people where they are; don't take advantage of someone else's ignorance or vulnerability to satisfy your own ego and desires.

http://www.amazon.com/Consensual-Sadomasochism-Talk-About-Safely/dp/1881943127

Call me your slave once more..

Its amazing how powerful words are in an D/s relationship. So much interaction takes place through verbal cues. Words really drive at the heart of this kind of relationship, and if you don't have control over words and meanings the whole thing is at risk of falling flat.

Knowing when it's the right time to say something, or the right time to hold back. Knowing exactly which words will illicit the response you're looking for.

The dance of words between a master and her slave is one of the very best parts of this relationship. It's foreplay in itself.

If every story has a beginning..

...let me tell you mine. I've known in some way all of my life, that I am turned on by pain. It probably helped the cause that through my relationships with men I have been conditioned to enjoy pain as well. All the same, I enjoy the pain.

My very first kiss was with a boy named Brandon. He had braces, and they cut my lips. Brandon was a snotty brat of a man. Arrogant and sophisticated, with a taste for vampires and nine inch nails at the age of 14, probably stemming from a cooler older brother that I never had the opportunity to meet.

My first sexual relationship was with a man 5 years older who had the opportunity to rape and kill me without anyone finding out. Thankfully only my skin shows the remnants of that story, in a few cuts on my collar bone. I didn't die, and while I might be more emotionally scarred I would be lying to say I don't still fantasize about those encounters.

Older men, bigger men, married men and more have all fallen into my list of sexual exploits. Sometimes I look back on where I've been and think "whore". Too bad my daddy wasn't around to teach me what type of man I should have gone after, not that he would have known in the slightest, the cheating drug addicted bastard.

But I wouldn't say all of my relationships have been unhealthy, that would be a lie, even if I do have a nasty habit of trying to sabotage my healthy relationships from the inside out.

It shall have to suffice to say that I am a work in progress and this is a place I have established to help me work on myself, my emotions and my journey into BDSM